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Major League “Sucker”?

Last week a majority on the Board of County Commissioners (BOCC) voted to bring professional soccer to Charlotte.  While this may come as a surprise to you- the unwashed masses- when you’re billionaires like us you don’t leave things to chance. After all, we built a ten digit net worth by selling tickets to people who want to watch cars make left turns for three hours. (more…)

Ridiculous Demands?

Below is a list of demands made by the group Charlotte Uprising. As always, we’ve added helpful commentary:

“1. THE IMMEDIATE END TO THE STATE OF EMERGENCY, CURFEW & THE REMOVAL OF THE NATIONAL GUARD”

Those interstates we blocked? Trucks we looted? Bonfires we set? Bygones. See, we know you called in the National Guard because they were bored and looking for something to do. The fact that thousands of Panther fans were in uptown Sunday, a guy got shot two days before, and dozens of arrest have been made since had nothing to do with your decision.

Don’t you know we have a right to block downtown streets every night? (more…)

A P3 Fable

Editor’s note:
Frederic Bastiat was a 19th Century French economist and philosopher. One of his most famous essays, “That Which Is Seen, That Which Is Not Seen”, discusses the long term implications of economic decisions.  He uses the example of a hypothetical shopkeeper (“James”) whose front window has been broken by his careless son to explain the economic impact of repairing the window.

I took the liberty of adapting Bastiat’s example to the topic at hand. The following is a narrative about of solving James’ problem via a public-private partnership ala’ the I-77 toll lane plan.  So with apologies to M. Bastiat, imagine we are in France, circa 1850: (more…)

CMS Unicorn isn’t from CMS

Dear Kindergartner Parent-

On behalf of CMS, welcome to your child’s first day of school! We know this is a significant milestone in your child’s life and we’ve been preparing for it all summer.

Yes, your little unit will be learning those three R’s- reading, writing and ‘rithmetic. But you should know that’s not what’s important these days. No, there’s another, more pressing issue. Of course we’re talking about the fourth “R”- “re-programming.” (more…)

Your input is (not) requested

Dear Peasant-

We’re writing to let you know that on July 26, 2016 we will momentarily descend from our Ivory Palace to collect comments from our serfdom (i.e. you). More on that in a minute. (more…)

So two Mayors walk into a Senator’s office…

Hiya Mr. Important Senator! Thanks for blowing an hour-long hole in your schedule to meet with a couple of ordinary citizens. As you know, one of us is a banker and the other an architect and that makes us transportation experts. Also, all of our information has been vetted for accuracy by a jeweler.

That’s why you should listen to us and ignore those two scowling Senators in the corner.

(more…)

Taxation? Yes. Representation? Nah.

Ya gotta hand it to those evildoers in Raleigh. This time they want to eliminate our ability to tax you however the heck much we want and instead force us to ask for your permission. Don’t these people know anything about democracy? That’s just not how we do things around here. (more…)